One year has passed but the feelings are the same as last year. 

Amy, Amy, Amy, will always have a soft spot for you in our hearts. 

I listen to your voice and my heart breaks. 



Like smoke, I hung around in the unbalanced. 


Highly significant (p < 0.05)

Advice to self:

In the beginning there is the attraction and the excitement that comes with something new. But it also brings uncertainty and fear and doubt. Are you maybe more involved in this relationship than the other person? Are you just another fling for them? Are you on your own really but just share some intiment moments?
You do not want to bring up these issues at the early stages. You have to play cool. Gradually you will see them starting to drop down the defenses. Keep your distances and keep yourself out of the way until gradually, you will become significant and indispensable in their lives. Do not overstress your presence in the early stages or you will scare them away and lose face as well. Do not throw yourself to them revealing how lonesome you are. Nobody wants to be with a weak little cry baby. Keep the moaning, fears, tears and doubts to yourself. With them be loving, caring and sexy and build trust step by step. Do not ask too many questions about the past right from the start. If you wait enough, they will come in time, and if you care enough, nothing that you ll hear will bother you. So what’s the rush?


La meilleure actrice du monde parle pour le film Elle s’appelait Sarah.

I recently saw the Iranian film called «A separation». It recently won the Golden Globe award, deservingly.
The plot: A married couple that has a daughter, appears in front of a judge and ask that they be given a divorce. The wife wants the whole family to leave Iran and start a new life but the husband does not want to leave because his father suffers from Altzheimers and someone needs to look after him. » He has Altzheimers, he doesn’t even know you are there.» she protests and he answers back, Im his son, I know Im there, and I should be there!
A separation - Iranian film
The judge does not issue a divorce and the wife leaves from home and moves in with her mother and waits until her husband either changes his mind or shows her that he loves her by coming to claim her back. During her absence the husband hires a woman to look after his dad. The woman is pregnant and when she has a miscarriage she accuses the husband of being responsible for her losing the baby as he pushed her down some stairs when they had a row after she had left his dad alone in the house, tied on the bed when she was supposed to be looking after him. And a court battle commences that affects all the people involved considerably.
It is a great story that shows life in Iran today, the beliefs of people, their everyday hardships, their religious beliefs, their shortcomings, the dreams they have of a better life and how society directs their moves. I liked the film because it was an inside in Iran, a country i know nothing about except what is shown in the news and the western media and it is refreshing to see a film about Iran made by Iranians themselves. The law system, the religious beliefs and the position of women in society reminded me of Cyprus society 50 years ago. Although in one case we have Christianity and on the other case we have Muslim, the strictness of religion was similar 50 years ago in Cyprus as is still today in Iran. The beliefs of the people changed over time here and it seems like in Iran there is a wind of change coming too but the religion there seems to be still holding people grounded. Although I could see many western elements in their lives too. Cars, clothes, houses seem to be like any other country but the covered women and the man-dominated public services showed that there is still a long way to go for Iran to be a country like the West. Although perhaps they might not want to become like the West in the first place.


Παγωμένες καρδιές

Τόσο δεν κρύωνα ούτε και στη Γαλλία το χειμώνα. Κάθομαι στον καναπέ, καλυμμένος από πάνω μέχρι πάνω με κουβέρτα, τα δάκτυλα μου μόνο εκτός για να γράφω αυτά τα λόγια. Χειμώνιασε και πολλά βλαμμένα ενθουσιάστηκαν λέγοντας πως τους θυμίζει σούπες, κλείσιμο στο σπίτι και χριστούγεννα. Εμένα το σπίτι μου απόψε μόνο με την Πίνδο μπορώ να το συσχετίσω. Τα πόδια μου έχουν παγώσει και τα νεύρα μου είναι στη τσίτα. Και το χειρότερο η καρδιά μου είναι παγωμένη. Έχει μπεί στην κατάψυξη και μόνο όταν το μυαλό ταξιδεύει πίσω στη Γαλλία αναθερμένεται. Εκεί βρίσκεται η πηγή της θερμότητας της. Πολλές μικρές φωτιές θα την ζεστάνουν αραιά και πού, το ξέρω, αλλά ο ήλιος της έχει μείνει εκεί. Και πάντα θα περιστρέφομαι σα γη γύρω γύρω και τίποτα δεν θα τον αναπληρώσει ποτέ.

Semaines d’ automne

Monday comes when life will go on without the prospect of ever seeing you.
Monday comes when there will be no chance of running into you.
Monday comes when you will never ever think of me again.
Monday comes when it will all be in the past.
Monday comes when I will no longer dream.
And I do not know how I will ever see Tuesday without being able to dream.
Tuesday comes when I will notice that all this time I have been sleeping and waking up alone.
Tuesday comes when I will listen to songs all night long.
Tuesday comes when I will revisit the memories.
Wednesday comes when I will decide to make a fresh start.
Thursday comes when I will laugh at other people’s jokes.
Friday comes when I will go out and see other people living their lives like you do.
Saturday comes when I will drink down the week.
Sunday comes when I decide that » tomorrow it will all be better» .
And then Monday comes when life will go on without the prospect of ever seeing you.

Amy, Amy, Amy

It was an autumn afternoon in Euston, in my little room at the halls of residence when I downloaded the album called Back to Black to listen to that crazy woman who refuses to go to rehab. I listened to the first track and danced in my room and by the time I got to track 5, listening to the opening notes of » back to black » for the first time, I had to sit down, because I knew I was listening to something incredible, something that was truly an art form.

There have been many upsetting events this month, that have devastated the world. But I felt the need to write about the event that has shook me most. The loss of Amy on the 23rd of July. She was found in her Camden flat deceased in the afternoon.

I had a conversation with someone about a year ago. In October, in Cambridge I met a friend for drinks in a pub. And he asked me what kind of music I listened to. The first and obvious answer was Amy. She might be good, he said but I don’ t like what she is doing with the drugs and all and I can’t listen to her. Since when do you have to agree and know about the artist’s lifestyle to like their work, I asked. Why can’t you appreciate and like her music? He said they are all connected. I disagreed.

And now, after her death, so many people come out and say, yeah it was expected, we knew it was coming, there was nothing to be done. Was there really? How did they all know it?

Amy’s music and lyrics have sustained me in my loneliness and in my own personal rough times and it might seem childish, creepy even to suggest that if you start to feel the lyrics and understand them you construct a connection to the artist. Amy was fighting her addictions and herself essentially. But aren’t we all fighting similar daemons? Maybe not drug addictions but other kinds of addictions. I know what it feels like, not being able to think of nothing else, not being able to resist the desire and not being present in your own life but thinking of your obsession constantly and having time and life pass you by whilst you look for it. Call it smoking, sex, gambling, we all have daemons swirling around our necks, whispering in our ears sweet words, promising us temporary paradises. For me, Amy’s downfall and troubles were a juxtaposition of my own troubling mind. I felt stronger knowing she was around, getting help and was planning her comeback.
Seeing her in Serbia last month, I was troubled but I felt confident that she would get the help she needed and would bounce back. And that gave me hope also. It is possible to sink low but there is a way back. Seeing her coming back would let the world know there is always hope for second chances. Not all the mistakes we make are fatal and bear irreversible consequences.
But now I do not know anymore if there is hope for the wicked. Her loss has hit me, and made me realize that there is not always light at the end of the tunnel, you should perhaps not live your life to the fullest, but by the rules if you wish to survive longer. With her gone, i realize that it is possible to die.

And now the final frame, love is a losing game…